The first thing to consider is to know if you want to see a therapist by yourself or you want to see a therapist with your partner. That is, do you need an “individual therapist” or a “couple’s therapist”. Most therapists who see couples also have experience with individual counseling but are aware that couple’s therapy is truly a specialty and you want to see someone who has experience with couple’s. Just because someone is an excellent individual counselor does not mean that they are successful with couples. Someone would probably choose to see an individual sex therapist first, rather than a couple’s counselor, because they have personal issues they would like to work on, private concerns they would like to explore, a history of abuse or trauma, secrets that worry them. Or, they are not part of a couple and have sexual issues to address.
A couple might seek a couple’s sex therapist because they are fighting with each other about sex, they have significantly mismatched expectations about sex or, in general, something about their sex life is negatively affecting their overall relationship. Experience counts here. Someone who has a long-time flourishing practice is probably a better bet than a brand-new sex therapist.
Here’s the bottom line. Both you (and your partner if there is one) have to feel you can be open and comfortable with the therapist. You have to find someone you feel understands your situation and will guide you responsibly towards a real solution. You do not want a therapist who has their very rigid and fixed idea of how often and how a couple should be having sex. It is very essential for you and your partner to feel comfortable in the sphere with your doctor. A non-judging and non- biased doctor is ideal for someone to feel at ease and come to a mutual solution.